Acknowledgements
xv
Preface
xvii
Dedication
xxi
Special
Dedication. xxiii
REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE
1.
Childhood.
4
2. Sexual
Categorical Defiance.
8
Sexuality.
8
Fantasy.
8
Progression.
9
Boundaries.
10
3.
The
Early Seventies.
14
Crossing the Threshold into Puberty.
14
Mother’s availability.
15
Camp.
17
Fear and Shame
Negative reinforcement
17
Acting Out
17
Drama.
19
Death.
22
Humiliation.
23
Excuses.
24
The Ponderosa.
26
ADDICTION
4.
Sexual
Categorical Defiance and Addiction.
32
Adolescence and my succeeding Puberty.
32
High School Humility.
34
Addiction and the Street Scene.
36
Father’s Ignorance.
37
Carrie and Ellen.
38
Transient Hotel Life.
39
43rd Street Dump, the Strand Hotel
The Landseer Hotel
39
5.
Fantasy-Sex…prerequisites
geared towards my Ph.D.
46
The Club Scenes…...
46
Broadway.
46
Virginity Lost @ the Hollywood.
48
Continental Baths.
49
The Gilded Grape/I’m Coming Out…...
50
6.
Sweet
Sixteen.
58
Working
Girl/Mary Magdalene and the challenge of functioning on the ‘Stroll’
58
Losing Many Virginities.
63
Losing my spirit/gaining my spirit
64
The Long Winter
68
Coney Island and Dr Wollman.
70
Jimmy Treetop…...
70
the Model Maker
the Pedophile
the trick
Uncle Jimmy
Developing.
75
7.
17
and Entering an Officially Authorized…...
80
The Embassy.
80
Home to Long Island.
82
Lynda, the ‘passing’ fancy.
83
Dr. Wesser the messer/Goodbye
to ‘tessie,’ the nose is messy.
84
Dr Schiffman.
86
8.
Legal
and Loose.
90
51 Street and Ninth.
90
The 51 Club.
91
The thief
92
Death of an aunt
93
Sex/Drugs And disco/Sex/Drugs And disco.
93
Suicide I
94
My brief college experience.
96
The 220 club.
97
The pink ladies.
99
Miss 220.
99
Self obsession.
101
The healing pill Q..
102
Fire Island; 42nd with a beach.
102
Jealousies.
103
The Club scene continues…...
104
G.G. Knickerbocker
G.G. Barnums
Missed Gay New York.
104
Hello Christopher
107
Miss 220 revival
108
9.
The
Club Scene continues…...
112
The GrapeVine AKA Casa Dario.
112
La Escuelita.
113
Crisco Disco.
113
Beauty and the beast
114
There’s a Dr. In his house.
114
Strange sense of self
115
The trip to Colorado.
120
10.
86’D
126
The loss of status.
126
Mainstream?.
126
Will my mind ever rest?.
129
Daddy dearest
130
Moving on up
11.
Fantasy-Sex
Prerequisites geared toward my Ph.D. and Addiction Progression
134
Return to 42nd
134
Up the disheartened hill
136
Dog day afternoon.
138